August 20, 2013

two months

August 8th 2013

Emerson will be two months on Tuesday yet it feels like he has always been in our home and a part of our family. The memories of what life was like before his bright round face came into our lives are vague and insignificant in comparison. There have been a few times when I have run an errand or two and left Emerson with Phil at home and I feel so empty without them. Pushing a stroller that carries my heaven sent gift makes me feel completely whole, a feeling I never thought I lacked until I go without for an hour or so. I love being a mommy and I love being a parent with Phil and being a family. When I think about him I almost can't breath sometimes and miss him when he sleeps.

As of late he has become much more aware of his surroundings and has been responsive and super smiley. It's just about the most adorable thing I've ever seen. He has begun to only nap for 50 minutes or less at a time during the day and it's taking longer for him to settle down to nap. I've been assured that this is just a stage (for some kids) and that it will likely pass. I hope so because if Phil weren't around I would die of dehydration and starvation because by the time I fix myself something to eat, E wakes up and wants to do the same and we start the whole eat-(play)-swaddle-sleep routine all over again. In exchange he has been sleeping longer through the night. He was waking every 2-4 hours to eat but is now having stretches of about 4-5 1/2 hours between feedings. I don't count on this being consistent because the moment I think I'm getting into a groove with his sleep schedule he changes it up. So I've decided tonight that I'm not logging it in my app anymore because I don't want to or need to worry about it.

I think technology with instant access to thousands of websites with millions of opinions, though incredible, is sometimes more of a hassle and ends up getting in the way of intuition. The more I try to read and research on what's 'wrong' and how to 'fix' it, I just get discouraged and feel guilty for doing things the way I simply just want to do them. I don't want to and shouldn't feel guilty about "spoiling" my newborn by letting him sleep in my arms or with me in bed. I'm run down by feeling like I'm not doing something right because I've followed the book and he simply won't take naps even though I know he is tired and he is simply too little to be up ALL day long, there is just no way, it boggles my mind. But nevertheless that is how it is and I just need to allow it because regardless, I don't have a choice.

I think a lot of motherhood (since I'm such the expert?!?... sheesh!) well from what I observe and have experienced so far, motherhood is learning when to teach and when to let go. I think we get into a thought process thinking we can have such a great influence and can control most everything when in reality, we can't, especially when it comes to our kids. So I've put aside my need to control everything and just let things be and let myself do things how I feel best fit him and my personalities.


I rarely start a post and finish it in the same day or even week..

It's now August 20th and he's two months and one week old. We just got back from Oregon and he is sleeping. He's been asleep for 40 minutes and I'm crossing my fingers that he will stay asleep for at least another 30... knocking very quietly on my wooden couch table as we speak. So as you can see the napping hasn't changed much. So whatev's. I just stay in my PJ's all day long and sometimes shower, sometimes. The rest of the time I just feed and play with buddy boy until he get's fussy and ready for another .5 second nap. My house is an organized mess and his crib still needs to be painted and both Phil and I start school on Monday. I'm rather nervous about it. I have class Monday through Thursday from 10-12 and Friday from 9-2. I know Phil can handle the 10-12 time period but Friday's might be a killer if buddy-boy gets fussy. Phil is still learning how to handle babies and the crying can be pretty upsetting to him because he doesn't feel he knows what to do to settle him back down once E gets started. We've been doing what we can to get Emerson used to a bottle and he's been doing better with the pacifier, when he's interested, but I'm already seeing signs of him being a mama's boy and it probably solidifies that when Phil hands him over to me the moment he starts to cry harder.

... Well... I'm hearing him squawking. Looks like knocking on wood didn't do the trick.

Haha! Here we go again. So I might end up dropping my Friday class. We shall see. Such is the life of a mom.

... and it's now September 17th and I'm determined to finish the blasted post so I can move on. Gosh, my baby's growing faster that I can keep up with writing down all of my thoughts and feelings about him growing up.

I ended up dropping my Friday class, which was a good idea because the two are plenty. My worries have been settled and everything is going well with Phil and Emerson at home while I go to school every Monday through Thursday from 10-12:30/50. Phil has a class at 1:00 so he brings Buddy-boy with him and I drop him off at class. Parking is a nightmare on campus because they got rid of a big chunk of the lot by the LA building for a new building for more classrooms. They've got to figure something out about parking because it's vicious in the mornings trying to claim a space. I'd compare it to twenty unleashed Vilociraptors hunting for one measly little prey, all while trying to get to class on time.

So Emerson had his two month appointment on the 27th of August, he was 2 months and 14 days old. We decided it was right for him to be vaccinated and I had Phil give him a blessing in the morning. The blessing was more or less for me because I was worried about it because of all the horror stories I hear and read about vaccinations. Phil blessed him that he would have no adverse effects from them and that he would be able to sleep afterwords. Phil wasn't able to go to the appointment with me so I had my good friend Brittany come (to hold my hand, haha!) Little-buddy did so well despite it being the saddest thing in the world to watch his face as she pricked him with the needle, from one moment to the next he went from happy kicking smiling to shocked big eyes and then hurt crying and crocodile tears. He calmed down really quickly as soon as I latched him on to eat. After eating I put him in the car seat and we left and he fell asleep in the car and we got some infant Tylenol from Walgreens. He woke up just enough for me to give it to him when we arrived home and I cuddled him back to sleep. He didn't cry the rest of the night and slept really well. Coincidence? I think not. The priesthood is real peeps! God is real and he answers prayers!

His stats were:
Height: 24.25 inches (83%) down 13% from last appointment
Weight: 13.96 lbs (73%)
Head: 16.2 (89%)

And here's how cute he is at two months// Don't ask my how his hair all of a sudden looks red in some light, it's the strangest thing! It's completely impossible to tell what his hair color is, in some light it looks golden blonde, in some it looks dirty blonde in the back and then at other times it looks red. No idea!

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