As Phil turned the light off to go to bed last night he placed his hand on my tummy and told the baby that we were ready for him to come this weekend. I also inserted a "thank you for giving us these two weeks."
Despite Phil getting home pretty late last night we made the time to talk as we slowly got ready for bed. It's amazing how easy it is for us to just talk about everything and anything. I talked to him about my hopes and plans for motherhood and how I truly do feel ready for this chapter in our lives. I watch him now as he's sleeping anxious to wake him up to tell him that baby is on his way but I'm going to let him sleep a bit longer, he needs the rest. He's put in a long week working for his Dad, going to school, and working with a crowd-funding group at BYU. He worries and wants so much to provide well for our family and combats really well with the stressors of life and battling PTSD and a damaged pituitary which really effects his energy levels.
I think God has truly blessed me with an incredibly easy pregnancy so that I could really be there for him this year. Getting pregnant so early in our marriage has really brought us closer together, closer than anything we else could have done, any trips we could have gone on, or any amount of money we could have saved by not having to prepare for a baby. We both feel that this little one is going to be and is already a major component of what Phil needs to heal. We have thus far been each others healers and we compliment each other in every way and to add this little creature to the mix has already distinctly been impacting us in so many deep and profound ways. You would think it an irony, mixing a person with high anxiety PTSD and children, who add on a whole new world of worries, would generate unbearable stress, but in reality it has done the opposite. It has brought a richness to our lives that is indescribable.
Looking at him peacefully sleeping, knowing in a few hours he will become a father is the most beautiful feeling. The man I love will be my partner and companion as a parent through the eternities starting here, now, the moment this little one is born. From here on out our lives change forever, our roles change. We will no longer be just a family of husband and wife but a family of mother and father. Wow, how beautiful. How amazingly beautiful!
