What I've learned about Positivity in 9 Months

I've got two weeks left on the 'count-down' until I've spent 40 weeks of my life being pregnant for the first time, well technically more like 38 weeks, but whatevs. Technicalities, technicalities, the world is full of technicalities! In this time period I've learned much, I've read much and I've experienced much. It's all been incredibly rewarding and quite simply one of the most incredible journeys I've had in my life thus far and I didn't even have to leave home to experience it. Yet despite all of these incredibly awesome experiences it's also been full of looming opposition which have only aided the impact of the experience. It wouldn't be an earthly experience without opposition, right?

Most of the opposition I've been faced with has come from within, some of it being self doubt but the majority of it being imposed by inner refusal to conform to the surrounding culture of what motherhood is, verses what I want it to be for me.

I recently read a blog post about having babies in a culture that isn't as baby friendly as it used to be. Things are definitely changing in our society and it's effecting us all in different ways; from the way we think or perceive childbirth and motherhood, down to the way we beat ourselves up as mother's for not being as amazing as Mrs. So-And-So Jones.

The writer of this blog quoted a friend's facebook status which read:

               "How is it that 9 out of 10 people who talk to me about my pregnancy have negative things to say?? The comments are endless and quite creative in their effort to convince me that I should not be as thrilled as I am. It is usually prefaced by “JUST WAIT……(insert: miserable experience/undesirable life change)” Although they have me well prepared for “impending doom,” for now I will continue to be convinced that this is the most beautiful experience of my life thus far!

And now I will bask in all the flip-flopping glory that is happening inside my tummy right now. You can kick this mama all night long sweet little one :)"

I totally relate to this woman! The 'just wait' has been the most common thread of un-requested "advice" (if you'd like to call it that) that I've experienced even before I got pregnant. They've all sounded along the lines of;

...just wait until you have your own kids and you can't do what you want anymore. 

...just wait until they're born and you loose all that sleep.

...just wait until you're bigger and more uncomfortable.

Or in the moment I look at birth in a positive way there's a 'just wait...' look on people's faces or a 'just wait...' type of deafening-silence accompanied by a change of subject. 

I know I haven't yet personally given birth to a baby yet but in part of my preparation for childbirth I've been surrounding myself with only positive birth experiences and viewing and reading about people who have a positive and in many cases a pain-free birth even without an epidural. Yes, really people have pain-free birth's! And there are many factors as to why, not just because they are one of those luck people. In my studies I've felt empowered about birth and yet my belief and enthusiasm has been met with a swarm of negativity and disbelief. Though there are more and more women choosing to birth in this way, in my close circle of family and friends I am the first or nearly the only who's done it this way and I'm not scared and I have no reason to be so. My enthusiasm and desire to talk about it, though still there has been muffled because I realize I don't want others to feel threatened or like I'm imposing my beliefs on them, making it appear as though I believe this is the ONLY way to give birth. I know it's not. I know every situation is different. Yet, I have become aware of many things that can make birthing easier for anyone, and I know that filling your mind with negativity and fear will only be a factor that can effect the birthing experience in a negative way, even if I haven't done it yet myself.

One thing I've questioned though is why is it that once people go through their childbirth or parenting experiences all they have to share with me and first-time mom's like me, are the negative aspects of what it is they went through or are still going through? Maybe because I haven't experienced it yet I can't relate to it, or frankly just don't want to. I feel completely overwhelmed when a vent session pursues and mothers begin to expel frustration about pre and post-natal misery, horrible birthing experiences, and all the awful things their kids do and how their kids drive them completely berserk. I suppose for now I'd simply like to bask in ignorance, if you don't mind me, and just enjoy where I am even if my tailbone hurts or my fingers are swollen because I'm not really all that miserable and feel no need to complain about it.

I'm not trying to point out anyone in particular because I think we all do it from time to time but I would like to point out these negativities so that if you find yourself doing them to ask yourself: Wouldn't you have liked to enjoy your pre-baby bliss untainted by other people's negative experiences? Or rather how would you like to enjoy what you have, when you have it, despite what your circumstances are? It may turn out to be something that you miss. Don't you remember the time when you were so excited for that first little one to join your family? The time where you decided that it was worth it enough to have another baby, and another? Or can't you see that there are many women who haven't experienced it yet (and some who won't in this life) and would would find nothing more than to experience what you have?

I suppose this is an aspect that is part of our culture that has been fed to our subconscious for so long that it has become our way of living. I don't blame anyone for getting caught up in the negativity, it's easy to do. It's simply something I have become hyper sensitive to being faced with it so unexpectedly frequently. I've noticed if one doesn't have kids they'll sit and criticize those who do and how they go about raising them. If one does have kids they look back longingly at the days they didn't, wishing these darn kids wouldn't have made such a disruption on their lifestyle or wouldn't be such disobedient little turds sometimes. There is opposition in all things, there's no doubt about it, but dwelling on negativity only breeds negativity and once one opens the window to vent frustration, especially around women, it lets in a flood.

This past week I received some incredibly valuable advice on the contrary. Advice that though "un-asked for" none-the-less wonderful and positive given by my sister-in-law sweetly prefaced what she said with, "not that you asked for my advice but..." She continued, "my advice is to live in the moment. That is something I wished I would have done with my twin boys. I wished I would have taken just 3 minutes every single day to simply enjoy the moment and to stop worrying." She expressed how she very much dis-liked the new-born stage with her two premature babies who spent over a month in the NICU, which uh, yeah, not many people would enjoy that... but how if she had only taken 3 minutes every day to sit down and breath she would have enjoyed that time more and could look back at that time with more fondness, instead of kicking herself now for not having taken the time to be still and at peace with the situation she'd been handed.

I believe we are in more control of our lives than we think we are and we are given more power than we allow ourselves to use. I had an incredibly powerful experience in the temple last week following a week of doubts and all the negativity getting me down, an experience which reminded me that I have been given power not only for myself but for my posterity as well. I believe that with a positive outlook and a remembrance of God, we can do all that he requires of us even if it's hard.

I don't know exactly how my birth is going to pan-out, what kind of mother I will be, or what my kids will be like. What I do know is that my little boy's birth will be a sacred experience, that I will be the best mother I know how and that whatever challenging personalities my kids have that my goal is simple; I want to spend every single day loving them more than I love myself. If I can just do that one thing then all of the 'just wait's' won't matter because it really isn't about how much sleep I miss out on, how uncomfortable I get in these next few weeks or how much work birthing this babe will be, I know I'm made to do this and that no matter what popular culture wants to feed my subconscious, that I'm trying my hardest to unearth and weed out, God has given me more power than I can fathom. I just need to trust him and the promises he has made me. Maybe trusting God and living in the moment is something we all need to do a little more in order to beat the negative culture we are building for first time moms and more importantly for our children.

life lately in iPhone photos

- we moved

- we celebrated our move in by eating Sunday breakfast on our new balcony

- we went to ikea many a time

- we potted flowers

- my sister threw me a baby shower

- we went to the temple

- I've gotten bigger, been eating lots of protein, and started swelling in my fingers and feet at night

- I went fabric shopping with my sister

- Went to the Springville splash-pad with my nephews and sister (in-law)

- Had my niece and nephew over for a pizza party to celebrate their April birthday's I painted with my niece and Phil played Nintendo 64 with my nephew.

pre-motherhood fears creeping in | late night discouragement

It's 2:56 in the morning as I lie here reflecting on the day with intermittent thoughts of the new change in my future barging in. I greatly look forward to meeting my little one yet at the same time a tinge of loneliness has been overpowering me since I rolled out of bed this morning. I've done a lot to prepare for him yet today l I feel so unprepared. I feel so incapable of being a mother.

I have longed for motherhood in so many different instances of my life. In times where I was alone in a doubted relationship as I longed for the unconditional love like a child's love that I wasn't getting from someone who had been rendered incapable of giving it to me. As I lie here now next to my fast asleep husband, my best friend who has given me more love than I could ever ask for, I reflect on that loneliness of the past and somehow my fears project those wounded emotions into the future. 

Motherhood and how motherhood is often described as a pretty lonely job sometimes has been on the forefront of my mind lately. How often mothers go un-thanked, unappreciated, and taken for granted. I look at the mothers in my life and see that their roles as mothers have changed. They're still mothers but their children have moved out and are starting families of their own. These mothers are left with an identity that for years thrived on the minute by minute nurturing and teaching of their children that has now become an identity like that of a house of empty bedrooms and phone calls few and far between. And this is where the fears of loneliness seep in. 

I've spent the last 37 weeks nurturing and bonding with this little guy and even though I've never seen his face nor touched his skin with my fingertips I love him beyond words. I love every stretch of his little limbs inside me, the hiccups he has every night, the way he reacts when his daddy touches my belly and talks to him, the way I seem to feel what he feels. It's the most incredible thing in the world to me and the thought of that being gone is already so devastating. I miss his sweet little boy snuggles as if he's already a snobby teenager who finds his mother's affection obnoxious.

Please tell me it doesn't go by this quickly. Please tell me to not fear time passing too quickly because it already has. Oh someone make it stop. 

36 weeks

Wow how time is flying!! I can't believe that in the next 3-5 weeks I'm going to have a baby boy to hold in my arms instead of my belly. I'm going to be able to see his face, know his hair color, kiss his little neck and squeeze his hopefully chubby thighs. Oh how sweet he will taste and how soft his skin will be! What an incredible miracle.

Every day I'm still in wonderment about how there really is a human being inside of me. To me right now he seems like an imagined daydream accompanied by wriggles in my growing round belly. It's amazing to fathom that there literally is a little being with a face, arms, hands, legs, feet, toenails and fingernails etc, who has his own personality, thoughts and precious spirit. He moves of his own will yet relies completely on me for survival and there he is surviving. Here he is just a few layers deep inside me almost touchable, almost cuddle-able. He is one with me for this time and yet will soon come forth and go through life having his own experiences, joys, heartaches, passions, and dreams.

I look forward greatly to this next month as I prepare for the experience of bringing him into our home. I'm so excited for his birth and all it entails. It's going to be so beautiful and peaceful. I'm confident it will be everything I hope it to be and more, an experience that will yield such an immense reward beyond words that every ounce of effort will be worth it. It already is worth it! It's difficult to put into words how wonderful of an experience simply carrying this little one has been. I'm incredibly grateful to be a woman and to have this ability. Nothing compares to it!

Today

Breaking brittle nails.

Stretching skin and two marks on right hip to prove it.

Bending is more and more improbable.

Painting nails or toe nails hasn't been accomplished in months.

Makeup for school nowadays is a rare occasion.

Infrequent social interactions with anyone besides hubby.

Moving to a new place in a familiar neighborhood in little more than a week.

Anxiety about life, friends and family their lives, health and well being.

Changes coming steadfastly.

Lack of art history study-capacity allotted brain accompanied by little to no self discipline.

Sadness about being done a great semester for two reasons 1. Drawing and painting class that keeps motivation rolling because of an inspirational professor full of passion and adds depth to art unnoticed before 2. Reason to leave the cold basement apartment and find value in learning.

Excitement to have time to prepare for baby boy for reading birthing and breast feeding books by Ina May.

Desire is continually lacking but much needed to fold laundry.

Adoring the bright green spring blossoms on the trees and the moisture on the gravel.

Spontaneous pattering coming from soft arms, elbows, legs and/or knees inside a rounding belly.

Inability to think of what to eat, ever.

Stuffy sinuses from dusty closets and spring allergens that have formed a lovely yellow infection causing breathing difficulties and dry lips.

Exhaustion from negativity in the world.

Deeply in love with the other two halves of myself; eternal companion and little boy baby.

Sleeping during more decent hours of the night becoming a more frequent habit.

Roller coaster of emotions with tears of joy, fear, frustration, deep love shed all in one day.

Aching tailbone continuously present.

Finding simplicity to be the most beautiful thing.

2nd Trimester Summary

28 weeks (last week of the 2nd trimester) in Oklahoma visiting Phil's mission.

written during week 31/32: ...I know, I'm so on top of things around here. :)

I'm not sure where to go with this, but since I'm full swing into the third trimester I feel an obligation to keep track of at least the trimesters since I've been so inconsistent week to week.

The second trimester was not that much different from the first other than an ever growing excitement and love for this munchkin and of being pregnant. I love feeling this little guy move inside of me. I love the connection we have growing day by day. I love that he can hear us and feels my movement. I love the thought of Phil being a father and changing diapers and being my advocate and companion as we dive into parenthood. I love that he is SOOOO excited for this baby! I love that I'm responsible for his health and comfort. I love how much he is loved by my family and Phil's family already. I love that my dreams have become so vivid and memorable. I love that my clothes are a little tighter.. ok a lot tighter... and my regular shirts and pants have been put away and my wardrobe has simplified. I love talking to him and knowing that the more I do, the more he'll recognize me as his mom. I love imagining what he will look like, what he will be like. I love thinking about his little personality and the dynamic he is going to bring into our home. Being pregnant has been the most amazing experience so far and I only look forward with greater joy and excitement to what is to come. I look forward to giving birth and having that experience of bringing a new life into our home and family. It's still not even real yet. Everyday I think in wonderment, 'there is a baby in my belly.' I even exclaim several times a week to Phil, "There's a baby in my belly, how crazy is that?!?!"


Symptoms: As far as symptoms go the only ones I noticed were an increase in good mood. That's common due to an uprise in progesterone levels during the 2nd trimester. Though, I'm hoping it's not just hormone induced either way I am loving this positivity and renewed energy I feel. Heartburn has been relatively mild, it really just depends on when I eat and how I'm positioned. There are some positions when I lay that provoke it or if I go too long without something in my stomach. My nails have also been very brittle and dry. I think it's a combination of the winter months and just simply the hormones. My nose has been dry and bloody as well as my gums. My baby app says those are pretty normal symptoms due to the increase of blood in my body and being more prone to gingivitis.


Cravings: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches became incredibly appetizing after I bought some good ol' plum jam and made one for school lunch. It had been yeeeears since I had, had one and it just sounded so good. This accompanied with milk... Whew, sends me back! I've also been drinking more milk than usual and the pb&j was only a bigger reason to drink tons of it in one sitting. Putting peanut-butter on ritz crackers has also been a treat-of-wonders. Of course accompanied by a glass of cold milk. Mmm yum! I think I'll have some right now! :)


Vitamins I live on: I think one of the secrets to me feeling so great has been attributed greatly to the vitamins and supplements I've been taking. I take the New Chapter brand of prenatal vitamins that are food based and can be taken on an empty stomach. Before these were recommended to me I was taking the Nature's Way prenatal I got from Costco and looking back I realize that they made me nauseous when I would take my vitamins. That hasn't happened since I've been taking these. I take a Calcium called Super Cal by Young Living and love that they come in capsules instead of tablets which makes them easier to digest. I also take Young Living's Omega Gize3 which is their fish oil capsule. It doesn't have too bad of an aftertaste and usually goes away when I eat something after I take it.

The two wonder supplements that I take that I would HANDS-DOWN recommend to anyone pregnant or not, are the Young Living Essentialzyme and some sort of Potassium capsule. If you're prone to IBS and irregularity, I tell you what, I'm a very healthy girl, if you know what I mean. ;) Which is a HUGE deal for me! This is probably tmi, but seriously, for preggos who get constipated... this is a dream. Haven't been backed up once! Only when we traveled to Oklahoma and ate tons of meat and fried foods were my intestines a little frustrated.

The potassium has helped me to not get leg cramps. So far I can only think of two instances where I felt a charlie-horse coming on, but they never got to full excruciation, and I've been walking and swimming nearly every week now. After I felt one come on, I put some lavender essential oil on my calf and the sensation went away pretty quickly. Seriously, works, wonders!!


Diet: I eat at least 4 salads with romaine lettuce and spinach weekly, as I'm suppose to eat 30% raw foods and four salads as recommended by my midwife. It's been a little rough at first because we had nasty caesar dressing from Costco and now we're stuck with tons of it! Dang. So we just bought a good ranch and it's been easier to be consistent. (I would love to hear what your favorite dressing and salad mixes are, if you've got recommendations.) I try to eat a good amount of protein in the morning, it's suppose to keep my blood sugar levels stable throughout the day. I'm an egg person, so that comes pretty easy. I limit my sugar intake and luckily it's been really easy. I'm not a sugary-sweet eater (unless it's chocolate) But I think this kid isn't a big fan of sugar either. I eat tons of fruit though, so maybe that's how I remain satisfied. Apples are my staple because they're easy to take to school without getting squished in my bag and carrots are my go to veggie for the same reasons.


Mind loss: It's true what they say about loosing a few marbles when you get pregnant. I've definitely earned my hair color in the past few months. About a month or so ago I was unloading the dishwasher. I had started the load a day or so before and thought I'd take the initiative to unload them, whilst patting myself on the back thinking Phil would notice what a good wife I am. :) As I was unloading I noticed some grime on the silverware, this wasn't too out of the ordinary because it happened once before we had changed detergents, yet it hadn't happened since. "Ugh, maybe it was too full and it didn't clean them throughly," I thought to myself. Then I noticed a bit of grime on the under side of a few plates and I began to get agitated thinking that the dishwasher was really fudging up and that we may need to get it fixed since it obviously wasn't doing it's job. I finished unloading and explained the problem to Phil during dinner that night. We continued our weekly routines and when the dishwasher was filled enough to start the next load I went to put the soap in and noticed the soap dispenser hadn't opened from the previous run. "Oh man, it really is broken!" ... and when I forced it open I the soap hadn't dissolved and I finally put it all together. I never pressed the start button when I had "started" the last load! We had been eating off of dirty dishes and with dirty silverware for the past few days!! My thought process was so funny because I had gone through the motions of starting a load and yet while unloading I didn't even think to re-wash the dishes because of the grime. Oh my!! I still chuckle along side getting the heebie-geebies when I think about it.

Another thing Phil has brought to my attention this past week is that I always warn him about something 5 seconds too late. We had stopped at Macey's in Provo to get ice-cream cones the other day, they had already closed so we decided to go to Dairy Queen instead, as we were exiting the parking row he turned right and as he was accelerating through the turn I told him, "We should go left and drive down that other road, it'll be faster." He shook his head saying, "that would have been better to know 5 seconds ago before I had already turned right!" He then proceeded to tell me that this hadn't been the first time that I had given him prompts that were always after-the-fact. We were both chuckling about how absurd it was that I couldn't seem to vocalize my thoughts until the moment of execution had passed.

The exact same thing happened after dinner tonight. Phil was being awesome and putting the left-over dinner into some tupperware and preparing an extra one for himself for lunch tomorrow. He was combining the rice with the stir fry and as he was adding stir fry to a second container filled with rice, I said, "you can keep that one separate from the rice." "Ahh!" he exclaimed, "you should have said that 5 seconds ago!" We both burst into laughter and I kept exclaiming, "WHY do I do that?!" And when I think about it I still can't understand it. The only explanation I have is pregnancy brain or some serious communication issues. :)


Ups and Downs:
With all this said. I do believe that I have had an incredibly blessed pregnancy, as much as I know a lot of my health and good spirits has come from nutrition I know the greatest portion of it has been down-right a blessing sent from heaven. I know many women suffer tremendously during pregnancies and I can't even fathom how blessed I am and how annoying it must be for most women to hear that I'm doing and feeling great and have been since day one. Though some of the hardest things have come to me emotionally.

Along with the first trimester denial and struggle with not feeling ready, I finally got to a place of acceptance as I wrote about here. I'd been incredibly happy and ecstatic ever since, until a few weeks ago when the "I'm-going-to-be-a-crappy-mom" phase showed it's ugly head. I have issues with getting and staying motivated a lot and found myself in a huge slum. I began to fear that this is how I was going to be and stay as a new mom. All the warnings we've been getting about the sleepless nights and all the things we are going to be missing out on when this little one comes were starting to drag me down. I also let myself get depressed about the idea of motherhood and thoughts like, "what the heck am I going to do all day?" "How am I going to entertain my kids?" "I just don't have it in me to do this!" "I just can't be a mom!" crept in. I can't thank Phil enough for talking sense back into me during the long hours of the night while he holds me in my sobbing floods of fear and hormones. He's so good to bring me back and comfort me, letting me catch a vision of what I am capable of. Not only that but he is so willing and worthy to give me a priesthood blessing any time I need it, and at this point I really needed it. It's so nice to have that re-fresher, hearing my Heavenly Father's words being spoken to me through him. Reminding me of how God sees me and how much he loves and trusts me, opposed to how insignificant and invaluable I feel sometimes. Oh how I love the Gospel and how I love God! He is so good!

Another heart wrenching struggle that has been ongoing during this pregnancy is to know that it should be my sister having baby number 12 in my family and not me. It has been one of the most difficult things for me and has really taught me how to mourn with those that mourn. She announced this past Summer that she was pregnant with her third child and she miscarried the baby shortly before I got pregnant in September. She may not know this but I've grieved many days and nights for her. I grieve that it is not her bringing in new life along side me. I wanted so badly to do this with her and find myself having cry spells thinking about it and agonizing over it. Further more she miscarried again and though she has been very resilient and positive I think about how hard it must be for her to see me. She is so great to me and shows a lot of excitement for me but I just know deep down the pain and frustration she must feel along side many women who struggle to get pregnant and stay pregnant. Phil and I pray for her daily and know that it's not in our hands, but the Lords, as all things are. I just have to trust that he is taking care of things and that the time will come that she'll have another, and if it doesn't, we just have to trust Him and know that everything happens and doesn't happen for a reason.

(Sniffle) Well.. (deep breath) (and sigh!) Now that we've travelled on that emotional roller coaster of a blog-post, you can now relate yourselves with how I've felt during this pregnancy. Prayers are welcome on behalf of my sister if you feel so inclined. :)

And now I'm at a loss for how to end on a more positive note.

Oh... Good news!! We found a place to move and it's going to be so great an just the right size for us to live in until Phil is done with school. I'm so excited. We're moving because 1st off the basement apartment we are in now only has one bedroom and there's not enough space for us, let alone our little one and our contract is up at the end of this month anyway. We move after finals week! The next two months before baby get's here are going to be a whirlwind! We both have 3 more weeks of school plus finals and 8 weeks (or so) left until baby-boy is coming!! I can't wait to see his cute face, feel his soft skin, and nibble on his little neck. Oh how baby hungry, cooking this baby is making me! :) Wish us luck! Oh boy.. here we go!

1st Timester Summary

Welp. (Currently 25 and a half weeks) Baby has been cooking more than half-way of his allotted time. To think that if he comes on his estimated date of arrival there is less than 15 weeks left. Uh, that's nuts! I just started feeling pregnant!

I thought it time to get on top of documenting my belly growth and my preggo stats jus' fer fun. So let's start at the very beginning.. a very good place to start. ;)

This is me on November 28th 2012 | 13 weeks along
I'll tell you what, my hips and my boobs were already exploding at this point. But I look at these now thinking 'oh my bajonga's were so small.'

1st Trimester Sum-up:

Morning Sickness // Never got it. Don't hate! I did have episodes of never knowing what to eat and feeling like everything sounded un-appetising until I ate something and then I was fine. I told Phil pretty much every night, "I just need to you chose what to eat, cause I really don't know what sounds good." I had a couple moments, one in the shower where I felt an immediate need to vomit so I jumped out, sat down, and then it was over and the other when I laid down after taking my pre-natal vitamins at night, I felt the immediate need to vomit, so I sat up thinking surely I would and the moment passed. Phew! Thank goodness that was the extent of my nausea. I sure lucked out!

Maternity Clothing // I started switching between my regular jeans and stretchy pants/maternity jeans I got at H&M (pictured above) around week 11 or so. I fit into everything but felt like there was no need to lower my comfort level my having the waist band making me uncomfortable. I've never looked back! As far as growth up-stairs, I bought a bra one size up from my 'normal' size in December around 15 weeks or. Funny though, I still don't have cleavage and I'm nearly grown out of the new bra too. This is absurd, I already feel like a cow!

Cravings // My cravings in the beginning were centered around colby-jack cheese! Oh my!!!! Soooo good! I ate it with everything and still do, just not as intensely. I also craved bacon for about a week, until we bought a big pack at Costco, cooked the first two packs within that week and then I thought I spew just thinking about frying up another pack after that. I also could and did eat tons of breakfast sausage and moderated my intake so I didn't get sick of it. I've never been a big pork eater so this was definitely a change for me.

Dreaded Smells/Tastes // Phil's breath and body wash in combo with his deodorant were an issue during the first trimester. He had the Ivory Aloe Vera wash and though it smelled good, I would just about die every time it was used. I also stopped cooking with garlic to avoid giving Phil garlic breath and simply because garlic started tasting awful. Haven't used it since.

Aches + Pains // I had a bit of pinching in my back on the left side pretty early on. It felt like a knot just above the left hip-bone-divot in my lower back. Also, my tail-bone! Yikes! It kills!! Tail-bone and lower back problems sorta run in my family and I tell ya what, sitting in church for 3 hours is killer. I need to get a doughnut pillow and still haven't. Though, I have found relief in sitting on an exercise ball at the dinner table when I eat and do homework/facebook and sit on it when I paint. I don't have many classes this semester where I sit on a hard chair for very long, so that has also been relieving, so really it's only been church that I feel discomfort.

Heartburn // Off and on. Not unbearable and came and went in short waves.

Headaches // Not unless I'm dehydrated.

Leg cramps // Nope!! None!! I attribute this success to taking potassium pills since before I got preggo. I used to get charlie-horses in my calves ALL-THE-TIME before I was pregnant and no-joke, haven't had one since I started adding potassium to my vitamin regimen. I've had tinges of a leg-cramp in my right leg, once or twice but with a good stretch, it went away.

Thoughts + Feelings // I look back at the first trimester happy that it's over. I think the whole not-feeling very ready to be preggo kicked me into a minor depression, and with the raging hormones, I really didn't feel like myself and wasn't excited for baby to say the least. Phew! I'm glad that is over! It's crazy how long ago that feels! I had quite a few crying spells which I think were 70% percent hormones and 30% genuine freaking-out/not-ready-for-this overwhelmed emotional instability. Plus at the end of Fall semester and Thanksgiving/Christmas time was nuts! We had so much going on with school, choirs, family, etc, it was already overwhelming. Once again, so happy it's over!